Did
you ever consider yourself loose?
Wild?
Yes. Careless? Yes. Emotional? Yes. Loose? Never. I was never loose.
I was a thread hanging, waiting to be pulled by any man with
restless hands.
And
the sex?
The
sex was a way to show love; to show that I existed; to show
attention; to ask for attention; to say thank you; to say “please
stay.” The sex was never about me - always about them and their
overwhelming needs.
Did
you fall in love?
Too
many times to count. I fell in love with how they slept; how they
woke up wanting to be inside me; how they gathered their things like
thieves and left in a hurry; how they never slowed down to say good
bye; how they showed up at the same time every night; how they spoke
about their girlfriends without looking at me. I loved them.
Did
you ever hate?
Yes.
I hated the one who promised me diamonds and left me with a house
full of rocks.
And
now?
I
don’t hate him. I still listen to the songs we played when we were
together.
Are
you happy?
No.
I am filled with joy. Happiness is temporary. Joy stays through
every challenge. Joy is a wonderful plague.
